Lost in Love: Why is it so Painful when Romance goes Wrong?

Humans have evolved three different brain systems for mating and reproduction. The first is the sex drive. The second is romantic love: tenderness, commitment, passion, desire, giddiness, euphoria, jealousy and possessiveness towards another person. The third is attachment: the sense of security you can feel with a long-term partner. Love is a greater impulse than the sex drive and is rooted in the most primal parts of the brain, alongside the fundamental urges of hunger and thirst. As such, love participates in the construction of human nature and individual identity. In this paper, I will describe this understanding of love, focusing on what happens in the brain in the wake of romantic rejection. When this happens, you are not only overwhelmed by feelings of love; you also feel deeply attached to object of your affection. In addition, with the reward brain circuit in operation the subject feels a strong motivation to risk everything in order to win life’s biggest prize.